A letter I wish I could send

March 11, 2013 § Leave a comment

I wish you could see the value of seeking help.

It doesn’t have to be an admission of failure, it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. You are holding on so white-knuckle tight to what little you have and it is suffocating everyone. When will you see that letting go is more powerful than whatever it is that you’re doing now?

It’s not normal to continually be fighting and separating and reuniting with your spouse. It’s not normal to constantly cut family and friends out of your life. It’s not that people don’t know your life, it’s that there is so much bullshit in the way that having normal, healthy relationships is not a possibility for you right now.

I don’t know that I blame you all that much. I look at your past, your mom with her mental illness, your dad coming out in your teen years, and I see that it would be very difficult to come out of that situation well-adjusted and healthy.  What I do blame you for, however, is the choice to not seek help.

I don’t want you out of the picture. I don’t want to be the only mom. I want you to get help, to get healthy, so that my kids don’t grow up having the same relationship with you that you have with your mom. They will struggle their entire lives if this course doesn’t change.

What is your breaking point? How many times will it take before you realize the damage you’re doing to your children?

How long will I be cleaning up your messes?

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