Finding words

January 30, 2013 § Leave a comment

It’s been a very long time.

I keep thinking about what I should write and I have ideas, but lately the thought of bringing up all the feelings, of getting into anything that might be of material sounds exhausting. At first I was thinking maybe this was a SAD thing (it’s been January for 30 whole days, you know), but I think, rather, that it’s because I have finally found some inner peace about this whole stepmom thing and I just don’t want to upset the balance.

Writing has always felt like the best way to work through my feelings, particularly all the angsty, ragey ones. When I’m feeling peaceful inside, I don’t really want to sit down and write paragraphs about it. I want to fucking LIVE IT.

But I still have a story to tell.

For some things, it’s worth getting into. I can cope with the feelings, let them pass over me like water, and move on. I need to experience the feelings from this side of things and to relive my journey from start to finish in order to be done with the darker chapters. There is so much to be said about my life, how it came to be this way, and what I have learned. Other stepmoms–hell, other PEOPLE–deserve to know they aren’t alone and maybe even learn a little from my trials and mistakes.

So, tomorrow, I will start at the beginning.

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