Letter to my stepdaughter, age 8 (almost 9)

September 30, 2012 § Leave a comment

Am I made of tough enough stuff? Can I be the kind of strong that you need me to be?

When you hang up the phone to avoid talking to me, will it ever not rip my heart to pieces? When you start seeing me as something that comes between instead of who I  really am, will I be able to patiently wait out your storm? Will I start to resent you instead of loving you the way that I should?

I don’t want to be all the things you are going to think of me. Most of them, I will never be. And I know none of it is your fault, you didn’t ask for this life. But I did. So am I worthy of the task?

You are only a few short years away from adolescence, and I can see the picture it will paint for you from a mile away. It makes me sad. I can’t imagine the pain you are going to feel. I can’t change it, I can’t really make it better, and I know you think that pushing me away will.

I will miss you. More than I do when you live a thousand miles away. But I will try my damndest to still be here for you when you return.

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