January 9, 2011 § Leave a comment
It has only been one year.
One year ago, we were still at war, still desperately clamoring for precious hours together, and then, unsure of how we fit together within those hours. We still walked on eggshells wearing shoes of fear, uncertainity, and raw vulnerability. Every day was a different kind of pain. Somedays the good kind, the growing into one another pain of creating a family from brokenness. Other days, it was the worst kind of pain, the fighting, aching kind of pain that comes from having everything ripped away from you, mud ground in your face, open wounds in salty air. Pain of weakness, of exhaustion, of wanting to give up but having no choice but to put one more foot in front of the other.
We have come so far.
Together, AJ, the skids, and I, we climbed a mountain and lived to tell the tale. We fought the she-dragon, the blizzards, the rocks, the hardships, and at the top? It is nothing but sweet victory. We are a family, and not just in the gushy sense of playing house in our hearts. We are married, all of us, a family.
It is amazing to me, the transformation we have undergone as a family, and as individuals. We still have our moments, but no longer is it wrapped in some sense of distrust or disbelief in our family unit. The skids no longer pretend to call AJ “Dad;” He is Dad. I am even mistaken for Mommy in moments that continue to increase in frequency. The outward and implicit signs of love are abundant amongst us, from goodnight “I love yous” to stolen hugs in the kitchen. Nothing describes it better than the tears that spilled down little 6 year old Supergirl’s cheeks as we hugged together after walking out of the chapel as a family.
I couldn’t predict these changes last year, nor could I even know to wish for them. As this new year sweeps over me and I start to set goals for myself, all I want is to embrace this feeling of inner peace so that it may grow and thrive in the new life He and I have committed to build.