Maybe.

November 30, 2010 § 1 Comment

We could get married. Now, while it’s still just us, before everything changes again.

We could just throw all of these stupid conventions of The Right Way To Do Things, and just do it, while it’s just the four of us, while we’re all still happy.

It wouldn’t be the big wedding we’ve been dreaming of, but maybe that was just a dream. Maybe this dream is just as beautiful.

Do you think we could do it? Do you think we should?

Empty.

November 29, 2010 § Leave a comment

She is going to take them away. In little more than a handful of months, she wants to erase everything we have built. We don’t know what to do with knowing.

How much do you hold on, how much do you cling to that which you love, clawing, scratching fighting tooth and bone to keep your hold on what is yours, what is so precious and dear? And how much do you accept, let go, pray that it is the right choice, the one that will let them be free from the hell that she keeps them in? How can you even begin to let go?

My heart aches already. We have months to prepare, to decide what is the right choice. How can you choose between your life and one that does not exist?

Quickly now.

November 5, 2010 § Leave a comment

Friday, in bullets, because I’m tired and also feeling a little yakk-ish.

  • Costco is the worst place to try and squeeze in a half hour lunch. Workplace is only 5 minutes from Costco, but I burned a good 15 minutes just trying to navigate the parking lot in the middle of the day on a Friday. I don’t get it.
  • I’m having a small zombie obsession. But not gory, 28 Days Later zombies. More like…gentle, slow zombies. It started with Shaun of the Dead. And then The Walking Dead on AMC. And now I have Re: Your Brains on repeat on my Zune.
  • Badcat crawled onto Andrew’s bed tonight during story time, openly displaying any sort of acknowledgement of either kid’s existence for the first time ever. I have never seen that kid smile so big.
  • I recently started what must be my 15th time (at a very conservative estimate) through the entire series of Friends. The show NEVER gets old. This will be the thing that dates me as I get old.
  • I have a Justin Beiber song stuck in my head, except it includes Olivia singing along. Best Beiber Ever.

Sweet.

November 4, 2010 § Leave a comment

Last night, I did that stupid thing where I put the sheets in the washer too late and tried to convince myself that I could remember to keep my ear open so I could  switch them to the dryer the second that washer stopped. Except of course I forgot to listen and remembered, oh, right around the time that I wanted to go to bed.  So while I waited, I did the natural thing, and fell asleep, open-mouthed and drooling on the bottom bunk of the skids’ bed.

[This isn’t about ruining bedding.]

I have no idea how much time passed lying there in the Harry Potter-themed abyss, but suddenly He was there, gently touching my arm. He said “Come on, you can’t stay in there all night. The bed is made.” And then he helped me crawl out of the bunk (man, did I feel old) and rubbed my back and helped me to bed.

I don’t know what it is about this story that compelled me to share it. It was just one of those moments when I remembered all over again why I love this man and why I want to share the rest of my life with him. He is patient and selfless and kind. He is unfailing when I need him. When he speaks to me, it is love.

That’s all, really.  I just love him. And sometimes I love the reminder.

Treat.

November 2, 2010 § Leave a comment

I think the last time I enjoyed Halloween I was 9 years old.  As soon as I grew boobs and aware of all that dumb body stuff (yes, early bloomer), there was something about dressing up that felt awkward and uncomfortable and I just stopped seeing the point. Somewhere in my late teens, I made a shift from ambivalence to distaste and then, by the time I was in my mid-20s, pure hatred of the holiday. I hated the slutty costumes and booze-fests, the pressure to wear something that I’d never wear the other 364 days of the year, the decorations, the hype, everything that came along with the pointless holiday.

Enter the skids.

Somehow we ended up with the perfect trifecta of a bonus 5th weekend in the month, in October, with Halloween celebrated on the Saturday locally, resulting in a Halloween with the skids. I fully expected it to be one of those horribly torturous events that you do for your kids, that no one actually seems to enjoy, but that we all shine on and reminisce over later (See also: Trips to anywhere, shopping, anything involving extended family). I pictured whining over costumes (because no one ever wants to wear anything over or under a costume, wigs are itchy, and they probably didn’t want to be those characters anymore anyways, right?), cold, laborious trekking around downtown with more whining about all the walking.

I could not have been more wrong.

Both skids were twice as excited about their costume choices–Harry Potter and Princess Leia (I know!!)–and put up little to no whining about the whole event. I don’t know what it was, if they were just excited about the holiday, about spending it with us, getting exactly what they wanted and not what shewhomustnotbenamed wanted for them, or what, but it was one of those picture perfect slices of parenthood. I could not get enough of their determined marching from door to door, shining eyes at each new opportunity, happiness over every little piece of candy…all of it. I loved sending them to the door, watching their timid (and later confident) declarations of “trick or treat,” and then seeing their faces eagerly search for us after they’d collected their loot. Every stop they had to share, every door, they wanted to be reunited with us and I clambered to soak up every minute. Even the ill-advised gluttony as they sat in a fun-sized sea at home afterwards.

It might be that we just happened to hit the perfect cross-section of ages with the skids this year, ages where we can all enjoy this holiday with little pain. I don’t know if we’ll ever get an opportunity like this again, but it was more than I ever could have wanted . It might be foolish, but this one day with them was  just enough to fill me with optimism at the thought of another, about the ones to come with hamfisted, roly poly infants, impatient toddlers, and eager-eyed preschoolers.

It’s a silly thing, just trick-or-treating. But really, how could you not love it?

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