May 6, 2010 § 1 Comment
Sometimes I feel like I’m not as stressed out as I should be. I’m off the charts on the Life Stress Inventory (341, if you’re interested) and yet, I don’t feel like my world is going to end. Maybe it’s because I’ve been at this state for almost 2 years? Is this my new baseline?
I used to want to cry every day; I would sometimes feel paralyzed with my inability to effectively cope with everything just coming at me. It has been a lot to adjust to, and that’s really understating things. But now, I just go about my life. It just is. I’ve reached a very zenlike place about it. Everything that shewhomustnotbenamed does…is predictable. I’m not surprised by any of it. Anything else about life…I’ve just come to accept that life is unpredictable, and that in and of itself is reliable.
Today He went down to his atty’s office–boy, we need a clever name for her–for shewhomustnotbenamed’s [something that rhymes with shmeposition] while I had to stay for work. A year ago, my stomach would have been in knots all day, worrying over Him. Today, I just put it from my mind and trusted that we could handle whatever came our way. Maybe I’m getting complacent or worn out, maybe I’m losing my touch, but it feels like I’m getting better at this. It also might be that I’m just getting better at life (or better at taking in enough vitamin D to sustain my mood all week).
The workday wasn’t without it’s own stressors (Seriously, if I have two bosses, but only until they replace me in 1 position, do I really have to listen to the boss who won’t be my boss much longer? Because this ping-ponging between bosses all day long is wearing me out) but at the end of the day? It was sunshine and music all the way home.
I like that I’m figuring out how to take these things in, react, and then leave them behind me. I used to think that I was growing apathetic, but now I think maybe I’m just learning how to be a grown-up. My mom used to say that my feelings were in my fingertips (and not in a good way). Maybe, finally, I figured out where the gloves are.